In the long ago when I was young and dumb, I did things that now drive me bat-shit craaaaaazy. I’m talking about mannerisms. Those bits of your personality that dictate your way of speaking or behavior. The technical term would be idiosyncrasies. These are self conscious ways of reacting to situations that I learned were quite annoying to most people. I was in my 20’s and early 30’s when I did these nightmarish things. Everything that elicits the chalk board nails response in me now, I did back then. And I was completely clueless about it. That is until my then husband decided to start pointing out those annoyances he saw in me. And since I was lacking in self confidence, my only goal in life was to please him, and so I started a campaign to avoid doing all of those bad habits. In the end it didn’t matter and our marriage fell apart. But, it paid off because I do not do these things with my current husband of awesomeness.
So what was it that I did that was so horrible? Well, allow me to list them out for you!
- “Can you do me a favor?” This one drove my ex insane. I would ask that before any question in which I would want him to do something I could do on my own. It was what I thought was a pleasant way to get someone to do something. Nope, it is not. It took me a long time to not say this little gem out of habit before asking for something. And now that I no longer do it, I have learned how to ask for things and just do so without the added bonus phrases. “Honey, can you grab me a bottle of soap from the cabinet, please?” Sounds much better than “Honey, can you do me a favor? Could you get me a bottle of soap from the cabinet, please?” Took me like five seconds less time to ask and doesn’t sound like begging. And it boosted my self confidence by like 5 points.
- Little White Lies– I learned this one growing up and it really comes from the inability to just say no, or give a short simple answer. Telling a white lie to avoid doing something, or explaining why you did what you did was my bread and butter. I believed the little white lie was sparing feelings to someone, especially if I was being the proverbial asshole. If I forgot to do something, I’d come up with a plausible excuse. If I didn’t want to do something, another lie. And if I did something I shouldn’t, the lie was not so little any more. “Sorry we didn’t come to your big birthday bash, we had problems with the water, so we had to stay home and make sure it didn’t flood the house.” And usually this would stem from a truth, stretched out like pizza dough. The flood in reality was the toilet plugged and overflowed a bit. It was cleaned up in like 15 minutes and I totally had time to come. The truth, I just was incapable of saying: I just didn’t feel like going to your party. It’s liberating to learn to just say “no, sorry, but thank you for the invite”, or “Sorry I’m late”. They don’t need the bullshit excuse why. Because majority of the time- they really don’t care.
- Pay Attention to Me– This is my number one pet peeve of all now. I would make sounds, exaggerated gestures, or talk about things just so someone would pay attention to me. Maybe it was because growing up as a single child of a single parent, I often was left alone with no one to talk to. Or maybe I was taught that way. It doesn’t matter at this point. I did and said stuff so someone would look at me and have what I hoped would be a sympathetic or excited reaction. Instead, 99% of the time the other party just didn’t fucking care. The worst was the over reaction to something. An audible gasp, an irrational reaction to stubbing my toe. It was the hyper reaction to things that would get someone else to react as well. It took some time, but I was able to suppress my reflex to shock or scary things. It has gone so far down that if I do react, it is a very genuine reaction. I’ve been complimented on my lack of reaction at times (see every single time I had to deal with my ex during the divorce). It’s become a sport to try and frighten me. When I hurt myself in a minor way, I don’t gasp and heavy breathe for three minutes, I don’t go on a tirade at the inanimate object, and I don’t huff and puff at someone who likely hit me on accident. (of course, you hit me intentionally we will have words) I might say an ouch, or swear at the object on minor things, but it’s a one time reaction, contained to the 6 feet of space around me, and I get over it.
- Never listens/Unsolicited Advice– I had a very serious problem with not wanting to listen to others “dumb” advice while simultaneously thinking my own was the best in the world. If you got a problem, yo I’ve got the advice to solve it…. and you’d tell me whatever my suggestion was won’t work for you and give me an excuse. And I would think poorly of those people who didn’t take my advice, regardless if it was good or not. They became a lower life form, someone who was a bitch or asshole. You become one of those people who just.don’t.listen.to.me. I had no thought to whether or not others felt the same way I did, that unsolicited advice was worthless simply by nature of the fact it wasn’t asked for. And I’ve also learned to avoid giving people an excuse to give me advice. Unless I really do need to get an answer or I want to hear your opinion, I won’t tell you things. I won’t complain, or rant on. I don’t talk about my failures or the issues I have with people/things/places. I’ve become a much more silent person over the years with less to say, but when I do speak I want it to be meaningful and not just silence filler. And yes, I want your opinion, when I have indicated for it.
Now, I know everyone has these tendancies at times. Hell this article might qualify under “Unsolicited advice” or “pay attention to me”. But, this is a blog and is meant for you the reader to listen to what I have to say and react to it. So please, REACT TO IT! Leave me a comment below and tell me what idiosyncrasies you can’t stand.
PS- I also want to cause bodily harm when I hear the phrase “You Know” used multiple times in a single sentence. I mean, you know, right?
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